ON AGING  

Everything is farther away than it
used to be. It is twice as far to the
corner, and I've noticed they've
added a hill. I've given up running
for the bus. It leaves faster than it
used to. It seems they are making
stairs steeper than in the old days
too, and have you noticed the
smaller print they now use in the
newspaper? There is no use asking
anyone to read aloud; everyone
speaks in such a low voice I can
hardly hear them.
The material in clothes; so
skimpy now, especially around the
waist. It is almost impossible to
reach my shoelaces, and I cannot
figure out why.
Even people are changing. They
are so much younger than they
used to be when I was their age,
and on the other hand, people of
my own age are so much older than
I am. I ran across an old classmate
the other day, and she has aged so
badly, she didn't even know me. I
got to thinking about the poor thing
while I was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced
at my own reflection. Really now,
they just don't make a good mirror
any more.
Do you get lonesome? Living
alone? What do you mean - all
alone? I live with four men. I get
up with Charlie Horse, I have
lunch with Arthritis, spend the day
with Will Power, and go to bed with
Ben Gay.
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Mixed Up In The Head

Just a line to say I'm living
    That I'm not among the dead
Though I'm getting more forgetful
    And more mixed up in the head.
For sometimes I can't remember
    When I stand at the foot of the stair,
If I must go up for something,
    Or if I've just come down from there.
And before the fridge so often,
    My poor mind is full of doubt.
Have I just put food away,
    Or have I come to take some out?
And there're times when it is dark out
    With my nightcap on my head
I don't know if I'm retiring
    Or just getting out of bed.
So if it's my turn to write you
    There's no use in getting sore.
I may think that I have written
    And don't want to be a bore.
So remember that I love you
    And wish that you were here.
But now it's nearly mail time
    So I must say goodbye my dear.
Here I stand beside the mail box
    With a face so very red.
Instead of mailing you my letter,
    I've opened it instead.
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OLD AGE IS KILLING ME

 
Thought I'd let my doctor check me
'cause I didn't feel quite right.     
All those aches and pains annoyed me
    and I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder
but he wouldn't let it rest.      
What with Medicare and Blue Cross
    it wouldn't hurt to do some tests.
To the hospital he sent me       
though I didn't feel .that bad.
He arranged for them to give me
    every test that could be had.
I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped
my aging frame displayed.              
Stripped upon an ice cold table
    while my gizzards were x-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites
for fungus and the crud.                        
While they pierced me with long needles
    taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came to check me over                
probed and pushed and poked around.
And to make sure I was living
    they wired me up for sound.
They have finally concluded            
(their results have filled a page).
What I have will someday kill me
    my affliction is OLD AGE.
   
December, 1985
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